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Happy Father’s Day, Mom:You Will Always Be My Hero

Repost from write up in CCF website for Train Your Children Sunday message.

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Today June 19, 2011 is Father’s Day. One day that honors all the fathers who have worked countless hours to be able to provide and more. But also, one day that magnifies how much my supermom is both a mother and a father to me.

Also today on Jose Rizal’s birthday, I would like to declare that my mom is my hero; she is my model in every way. My supermom is everything to me. She not only took the role of providing for me and my sister, but she was also hands on with us and taught us much. I can never think of a time that she wasn’t present in my life. Even if she worked 9 hours a day, she has mastered the art of juggling priorities – I always felt her presence. More than these, my mom has also taught me how to pray. I love to read and she used this passion of mine to teach me about God and moral character through Children’s Bible Stories and other reading materials. I was taught to talk to God, encouraged to tell him the desires and intentions of my heart.

I am very grateful for my mom and for her introducing God to me and likewise; however I could not deny that the absence of my father or having a father-figure was an obstacle in my spiritual life. My prayer couldn’t go past graces before meal time or the daily morning “thank you for another day to celebrate the miracle of life”. I couldn’t fully open up and have a deeper, fulfilling relationship because I did not know how to treat a father. Most especially when I felt no effort from the other end and had the feeling that I was not thought of, unimportant and unloved by the one person who should reflect God.

But truly, through the message I was reminded that if we have a father who can’t forgive you or does not like you, it does not mean that God is so. His outstretched arms signify otherwise, He does not love little. His love is so great and immeasurable that it overflows.

Praise God indeed He has His ways to always reach out to me; He spoke to my spiritual mentor in college for me to be able to confront this dilemma. I realized then that though my earthly father might be absent, my heavenly father is far much greater, His presence more than enough, He is the very constant in my life.

As I opened my heart to the service today, I could not help but appreciate my mom all the more on Father’s Day. Pastor Peter said, “A father is worth more than 100 teachers”. I believe so, and my mom who stood as a father to me was not only worth a hundred teachers but she is much much more.

Let me end with one conversation I had with my mom a week ago. I was sharing to her how blessed I was to have been able to hear the family series in CCF. I was telling her about having positive relationships and intentional teaching so she may also share these with her friends and new parents. I told her these are a tremendous help to me should I be blessed to have children someday or spiritual children no less. After sharing these, my mom’s question left a mark on me: Did I regret my past? How she raised me was quite different from what I learned recently.

It took me a while to answer her. Then I finally said, No Mom. I do not regret my past. I do not regret anything because everything brought me to this moment that I may be able to testify of God’s movement in my life for His greater glory. I wouldn’t want my history to be any other way.

Mom, I wouldn’t want any other parent to teach me about what I know. I still have a lot to learn from you. You are my best Teacher and my HERO. Mom, you are more than enough, never were you less. Mom, YOU are the greatest blessing. YOU are God’s best.

The Wisdom of Teaching Intentionally (part 2 of 2)

On Teaching Intentionally to both biological and spiritual children, we not only teach them about themselves but we also should teach them how to relate to their environment, and their friends.

II. About Friends

(A.) Their friends will impact them either positively or negatively.

 Pastor Peter advises his kids that they should be friendly to everyone, but they should choose who to be close with, Who to be with around with.

As Proverbs 13:20 states, He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Some friends may pull you up, influence you to do good, study harder, and just simply bring out the best in you. But there are also those kind of people who will drag you down. Even if you are raised to be of good moral character, sometimes peer pressure gets the best of you. In 1 Corinthians 15:33 we are reminded that “Bad company corrupts good character.” But though they are in that situation, God will always always provide a way out as Paul Tan-Chi, Pastor Peter's son, testified. There will never be a trial or temptation that will be too much to handle and too much that you couldn't overcome.

On the subject of smoking or drinking which usually surfaces as early as high school, and even more rampant in college, your children will have to face this sooner or later. Will they fall, will they stand? What should you say?

Remind them of this: 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 "Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

Every time they attempt to smoke or to drink, let them ask themselves, how in any way is this beneficial? Am I doing this for God's greater glory?

Always let your children think twice. Let them be intentional in things that they do and not like a feather in the wind -  no direction, easily swayed.

(B.) The importance of priority

Friends are important but they are NOT the most important. We were given a priority list.

1st God

2nd Family

3rd Studies/Responsibilities

4th Friends

With the help of the priority list, they would be given a perspective on what they should put first in their lives.

WE were also taught the same idea Pastor Peter taught his kids: treat your family like you treat your best friend.

Some people may be mean to their siblings, or disrespectful to their parents, but when it comes to friends, they put out their best selves.

 (B.) It is impractical to have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend early in high school/college until they are ready to get married.

It is indeed impractical because you are closing your options, ruining the chance to be able to meet new friends, try new things. It is true that having an immature relationship hinders you from reaching your potential. There is always the jealousy or the insecurity of their bf/gf being with someone else, or  doing activities without them.

In worse cases these relationships could cause them to sin. Then the scare. Then the pregnancy. Then the stage when they are forced into adulthood when they are the least ready.

When this happens, there is no turning back. They have fallen into the deepest hole, difficult to pull them back.

Parents you do not want this to happen to your children, so as early as now teach them what is right. Teach them the value of waiting for the right person, the joy of finding the right one. That moment couldn't be more perfect. Their life lived with no regrets.

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Some people take parenthood lightly. Some people my age would even want to already be parents even when they're not ready. They do not understand the huge responsibility.

 If you want to raise your child right then you have to be INTENTIONAL in teaching them. From the way to bathe themselves, how to do their homework. From the littlest of things to the bigger decision-making ones. Would you rather have them learn from school or their friends what you should be teaching them? No one could raise them best than you with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Christ.

The wisdom then of teaching intentionally is this: you will raise children who have a good head on their shoulders. They are ready to face the world, they are ready to serve. And what could be more fulfilling than knowing that your child is able to make the wisest decisions and make a wonderful life of his/her own. You cannot be more proud as a parent. In raising your child the best way you can, being 100% present, you have done your duty in bringing glory and honor to Christ.

At this moment, in all of my 23 years, I am preparing to be a parent. If not to biological children, then someday I might eventually be one to spiritual children. The next question then is, what do I teach to my future children? What should you teach to yours?

Last June 5, we were given guidelines - the basic things we should teach our offspring and our spiritual children. Pastor Tan-chi divided the teachings into 2. What we should teach the children about themselves and about friends.

 In everything we should always be intentional. Especially in teaching and influencing people in our lives.

I remembered myself.  Always making up excuses. Always having the divided attention and always lacking FOCUS. Here my friend was sharing something new about himself, and here I was "listening" along with texting, playing with my pup, tinkering with my laptop or else thinking of what good sound advice to give him, or at my worst selfish self - thinking of how I feel about everything being said to me.

Then after a  miscommunication and a heated argument, I then realize this conversation wasn't about me in the first place, it was about my friend sharing, expressing himself.

Then usually I become stubborn, sometimes make up an excuse - WOMEN are MULTITASKERS. We can be a listener while doing something else. We can cook, clean, be a businesswoman, take care of the child, run errands  and be the wife all at the same time. This is true. But not all of it. Sometimes being the multitasking being that we are, we sometimes neglect the most important things. Our divided attention sacrifices what should be our priority.

In being a parent, we cannot make excuses. We cannot afford to make a mistake in raising children. We also cannot be 30% the spouse, 10% the cook, 30% the mom or dad, 30% the working man/woman. We've got to be 100% in every way. We've got to be INTENTIONAL in everything. Might sound a tall order, but nothing is impossible with God. As early as now we've got to practice being INTENTIONAL. Most importantly in raising our children, we've got to TEACH INTENTIONALLY because as the first people in their life, as the model in our spiritual children's life we INFLUENCE them GREATLY.

Now, may I share you what to teach them as I've learned in last Sunday's worship service.

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I. About Themselves

 (A.) God sees them as SPECIAL.

As parents, you've got to teach your children that they are VALUABLE. That they are PRECIOUS in God's eyes. That they are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14) and that they are a child of God (1 John 3:1-2).

Today most people define themselves by what the world instructs them to be. They believe the latest gadgets, clothes, cars or what nots define their being. They find security in these things. They buy more and accumulate all these expensive items. But at the end of the day, they still feel insecure, then they purchase more and it goes on. The void is never filled. Why is this so? Their security lies on temporary, material things. When these are gone, they also lose themselves, they lose their identity.

Remind your children that they in themselves are SPECIAL. They are a child of God. In them lies eternity, they do not need to depend on these temporary things because in them they are royalty praise be to Christ we became adopted sons and daughters of God. Only in God can they find security.

Pastor Tan-Chi quoted and I  re quote him: You become what the most important person in your life thinks you are.

I am raised by my mom alone. I praise God for her that she has brought me and my sister up without us in want of anything. Lavishing us with words of encouragement and more, doing home works with us and all. But as important as my mom is in my life, I cannot deny that how my dad thinks/not think of me also becomes a part of me.

How could I feel special when I am not even thought of. But I continue to trust that all things are for God's greater glory, for me to able to testify of my history.  In all these I find comfort in 1 John 3:1-2. I am a child of God. I may have earthly parents but more than that I am His child. This is enough for me.

(B.) God has a wonderful plan for them.

We are God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). We are His masterpiece. For each and everyone, He has designed an amazing plan. Though not yet fully revealed to us.

Teach your child to have a vision. That God has prepared them for something great, something so amazing, beyond their imagination.

Once they have this vision, everything should follow. This is what should fuel them and give them purpose. Why should they study hard?  Why should they work hard? It's because they are being equipped, molded to do something great for God.

They would not be afraid of failure and problems because they know that that in these failures and problems, they are being sharpened and toughened for the bigger plan to come.

(C.) God wants them to be Thankful

Sometimes children grow up ungrateful. They feel that they deserve to be schooled, they deserve the luxury their parents can afford, they deserve their baon, the cars they drive, the clothes they wear. They think their parents owe them these, and when they don't get it they become dissatisfied. This is the fault of the parents.

Parents do not teach their children to be grateful. Of the food they have on their table while others can barely have a meal. Of the clothes on their back while others walk on bare feet. Of the education they have while others barely know how to read.

It begins with us. All of us should learn the attitude of GRATEFULNESS. In everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

2 things I should live by:

1. Thankful people are happy people.

Most people are unhappy because they compare their lives with someone else. They wish they had more, they are in terrible discontentment. But those who appreciate the littlest of things, every blessing given them, are happier and contented. They are wiser because they can recognize the blessings in their life, and they know how valuable the bigger things are.

2. Giving thanks unleashes the power of faith.

"Giving thanks is the evidence of faith" (Pastor Tan-Chi) Because in giving thanks, we say we trust you Lord in everything that happens. May it be problems or trials, we continue to give thanks. We may not understand it now, but we have faith that we will eventually understand, and all these are for His glory.

Rubbing off this attitude to our biological and spiritual children, we instill in them a happy heart. Grateful to serve. Grateful to God.

(D.) God wants them to be Responsible for their Choices.

Parents sometimes have the tendency to be all-comforting to their child. Doing everything in their power to spare them the hurt and the consequences of their actions.  And their reason: We love them, we cannot bear to see them get hurt. Imagine Jason Ivler and his mom. Sorry for the example, but you can see here how long his mom tried to hide him from the authorities despite his wrongdoing of taking a life.

I don't want to judge I am not a parent yet. But it is important in the early stage that you teach your children to be responsible for their own choices. Provide them with all the guidance, but at the end of the day, they should be able to make their own decision, they should be able to link how this choice would render this corresponding consequence. How else will they learn if not from their own experience?

You have to teach them that though "they are FREE to choose, they aren't FREE to escape the consequences of their decision."

One more thing is that parents may always have the BEST INTENTIONS for their children but it does not determine DESTINATION. This goes for everyone else. INTENTION is not equal to DESTINATION, CHOICES do. They might want their kids to become responsible adults, but they choose to spoil them, giving them everything they want at the slightest whim. Do you think they would grow up to become responsible adults?

Let your children learn from their mistakes. Though parents might want to spare their child from all sorts of pain, at the end of the day you cannot walk the path for them, you cannot make the choices for them. Be the better parent. Teach them to make a better choice.

(C.) God wants them to develop CHRIST-CONFIDENCE and NOT SELF-CONFIDENCE

Self-confidence makes insecure people. The attention is directed towards you, you are given the glory. But honestly it's really not about you, nor your strength. Because you are limited, you can only do so much. There is an end to your capabilities. I have an end. You have an end.

But with God, NOTHING is impossible. With your confidence in Christ, you know that you can do things so great. In your weakness, He is your strength, He can magnify you all for HIS greater glory.

Teach your child that as long as they develop the attitude of Christ-confidence, they can accomplish many things great. They need not fear nor worry. HE is behind them every step of the way.