The Wisdom of Teaching Intentionally (part 2 of 2)

On Teaching Intentionally to both biological and spiritual children, we not only teach them about themselves but we also should teach them how to relate to their environment, and their friends.

II. About Friends

(A.) Their friends will impact them either positively or negatively.

 Pastor Peter advises his kids that they should be friendly to everyone, but they should choose who to be close with, Who to be with around with.

As Proverbs 13:20 states, He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Some friends may pull you up, influence you to do good, study harder, and just simply bring out the best in you. But there are also those kind of people who will drag you down. Even if you are raised to be of good moral character, sometimes peer pressure gets the best of you. In 1 Corinthians 15:33 we are reminded that “Bad company corrupts good character.” But though they are in that situation, God will always always provide a way out as Paul Tan-Chi, Pastor Peter's son, testified. There will never be a trial or temptation that will be too much to handle and too much that you couldn't overcome.

On the subject of smoking or drinking which usually surfaces as early as high school, and even more rampant in college, your children will have to face this sooner or later. Will they fall, will they stand? What should you say?

Remind them of this: 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 "Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

Every time they attempt to smoke or to drink, let them ask themselves, how in any way is this beneficial? Am I doing this for God's greater glory?

Always let your children think twice. Let them be intentional in things that they do and not like a feather in the wind -  no direction, easily swayed.

(B.) The importance of priority

Friends are important but they are NOT the most important. We were given a priority list.

1st God

2nd Family

3rd Studies/Responsibilities

4th Friends

With the help of the priority list, they would be given a perspective on what they should put first in their lives.

WE were also taught the same idea Pastor Peter taught his kids: treat your family like you treat your best friend.

Some people may be mean to their siblings, or disrespectful to their parents, but when it comes to friends, they put out their best selves.

 (B.) It is impractical to have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend early in high school/college until they are ready to get married.

It is indeed impractical because you are closing your options, ruining the chance to be able to meet new friends, try new things. It is true that having an immature relationship hinders you from reaching your potential. There is always the jealousy or the insecurity of their bf/gf being with someone else, or  doing activities without them.

In worse cases these relationships could cause them to sin. Then the scare. Then the pregnancy. Then the stage when they are forced into adulthood when they are the least ready.

When this happens, there is no turning back. They have fallen into the deepest hole, difficult to pull them back.

Parents you do not want this to happen to your children, so as early as now teach them what is right. Teach them the value of waiting for the right person, the joy of finding the right one. That moment couldn't be more perfect. Their life lived with no regrets.

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Some people take parenthood lightly. Some people my age would even want to already be parents even when they're not ready. They do not understand the huge responsibility.

 If you want to raise your child right then you have to be INTENTIONAL in teaching them. From the way to bathe themselves, how to do their homework. From the littlest of things to the bigger decision-making ones. Would you rather have them learn from school or their friends what you should be teaching them? No one could raise them best than you with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Christ.

The wisdom then of teaching intentionally is this: you will raise children who have a good head on their shoulders. They are ready to face the world, they are ready to serve. And what could be more fulfilling than knowing that your child is able to make the wisest decisions and make a wonderful life of his/her own. You cannot be more proud as a parent. In raising your child the best way you can, being 100% present, you have done your duty in bringing glory and honor to Christ.

3C's of Building Positive Relationships: Connect, Communicate, Compliment

Yesterday's message at CCF was very soulful. I was very blessed to have heard and witnessed the message which was about Building Positive Relationships - an excerpt from Pastor Peter Tan-Chi's sermon at Pastor Bong's 2pm service.

Every human is a relational being. We are built to have relationships with each other, relate to God and to one another. As it is always said, the family is the basic unit of society. Within the family these relationships are developed, built and strengthened. However it is also within the family relationships have the potential to be broken.

It is then important for us to nourish the relationships that we have at home as early as you can to be able to have the best relationships with people around you. It all begins with how the parents raise and relate to their children.

(1)

We are given 3 concrete steps on Building Positive Relationships. 1st of which is to CONNECT.

Parents usually busy themselves with work and other things that they forget how to become parents to their children, how to become the support system their children needs. Some might rationalize that today's environment is very competitive, it's a dog eat dog world out there. We have to work hard for our children, everything we do is for them anyway. Then they go home tired, cranky and just plain drained of every day's work load. Too tired to listen, too tired to connect, too tired to become a parent.

For 2 weeks that I was able to become independent of my mom since she visited my cousin abroad, I personally felt the drain of taking care of myself,  everything and everyone else around the house. Leading me to wonder how parents could possibly do all these and even sustain all these things and with kids no less.

I honestly salute all parents and especially those who despite of being the working parents they are still manage to be there for their children. However I am quite disappointed with those who aren't there more so those who don't even make an effort to be there.

Because even if you play the role of the busy, overworked parent, you can still CONNECT with your children. But if you think life is already too much for you, or for those who aren't married yet and think having a family will solve all your relationship issues, then please don't be a parent.

When you say CONNECT, it means speaking your children's language, knowing their interest and doing what they like. It means watching cartoons with them even if you'd rather watch the evening news. It means bonding with them over food they enjoy which most of the time means fast food. It means being involved with their interests and activities. It means building bridges to your child's heart.

(2)

2nd C of Building Positive Relationships is to COMMUNICATE.

Think of this: busy parents off to work, come back home, spend little to no time with their children, then children try to get the attention of parents, do bad in school, get called in the office so on and so forth. Then parents scold them, give them a spanking, punish them to no end.

Does this look right to you?

Some parents believe their way is the only way. What they say goes. Obey me OR ELSE.

They use their Size and Position to discipline their children. I am bigger. I am your mother. I am your father.

One thing I remember from Pastor Tan-Chi is that you can be strict if you have a relationship. He is like that with his children. Once you have built a relationship with your children, they will understand that behind every NO is your bigger concern for them. They would know that behind every NO is for their own good.

Parents also have the tendency to CORRECT.

Their children would open up to them whether about daily musings or decision making and here the parents come judging and correcting. Would the child still open up if parents are so? Little by little parents would lose involvement in their child's life and their influence would be no more. Slowly children would ease their parents out of the picture even in major decision making where parents would usually want to become a part of.

COMMUNICATION then is not "Did you do your homework? Good" or even less "How could you do that!! You are such a naughty child!!" Or worse, I dare not say.

COMMUNICATION is about LISTENING more than anything. Listen to them in their joys, their frustrations. STRETCH YOUR PATIENCE, JUST LISTEN. Stop yourself from giving advice, criticizing, correcting. There is always a right moment for talking, hear them out first then control and filter yourself in speaking out your peace. Not only would you build a relationship with them but you will also gain their trust and their confidence in everything.

(3)

Last C of Building Positive Relationships is COMPLIMENT.

Correct me if I'm wrong but men aren't usually expressive. Fathers might be so as well. They see their kid performing well in school, well and good. They see their kid doing bad, they start to talk. and talk. and talk. Some don't even talk, they let their kids experience physical punishment alongside mental torture. They give them the belt, the basement, the attic, everything really horrible and traumatic.

Pastor Bong is right, a speck of dust on a white sheet we see, but we don't see that the white is much greater than that dust. We don't see the bigger picture. Everyone is like that. Parents included.

Everyone needs to be accepted and affirmed. Some just might need more affirmation than others as per Love Languages. Children need those too. They become confident if their parents believe in them. They are pushed to do more because of the simple "You're doing great!". Once you criticize, you not only ruin your character but you also destroy the esteem of your children. Would children love to be around parents who criticize? Your children will start pulling away from you and turn to others and when this happens, you might not even have the slightest chance to do the things you wish you should have done.

So, nourish each relationship with a true and honest COMPLIMENT.  Plant these little seeds in their heart that these may grow to make them better children, and better people. Correct them when they do wrong, COMPLIMENT when they do right. Make every moment they have with you as pleasant as you can. They will remember these for always.

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Being a parent is indeed difficult. It means giving your 100%. It means putting their good ahead of yourself. It means more than just providing but rather sitting down, giving time, listening, communicating, and giving the constant affirmation they need.

I am not a parent but parenting as Pastor Tan-Chi says begins 20 years before. Your lifestyle, your character, your knowledge you have the tendency to bring to parenthood. So as much as possible even if we don't know what the future holds, if I become a parent or not, I should start correcting my ways in order to become if not the best parent, the best relational being I am made to be.

Every moment that passes is a moment lost forever. Cherish every moment with your children, teach them about Christ, spend time with them and really talk to them. Do not wait for the time that you wish you had done something. Do not wait for the time that you wish you had played with them more, talked to them more, be the mother or father more, be their friend more because you will never have that chance again.

Look back on good memories with your children, I haven't experienced it all yet but I know that it would probably be one of the best feelings and achievements in the world - that you have brought them to Christ, influenced them positively and then you would be at peace. You have done something good. You have done something right.

 

Feeding the Soul: Condemned to death but glory in Christ - Romans 7-9 (Part 3)

For our last chapter for the session, Chapter 9, we may not fully understand God's choice but we trust that all these will reveal his glory.

In this last and final chapter, we see here God's incomprehensible yet all too sovereign choice. He chose Jacob, whose name means "deceiver" instead of Esau. He chose to harden Pharaoh's heart to make it difficult for the Israelites to leave Egypt.

¹⁷ For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth

 Leading us then sometimes to ponder on God's choices. Why Jacob not Esau? Why make it tough for the Israelites to be released from Pharaoh's cruelty? But then we are again faced with this...

20 But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”^[h]21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?

All these things, God has created for a purpose. He raised up 12 tribes in the one who deceived, He raised up a King in a shepherd boy, He raised up a Savior in the one who was born in a manger.

These are the things that being limited as we are, we might not fully encompass and not fully grasp. But all these we should trust that it is so that we might believe, that our faith be strengthened, and that the glory of His name be justified.  It is not for us to judge who God calls or who God chooses, and believe me God has surprised me many times on those people he has used to remind me of Him and my mission to serve Him.

Just recently, a friend whom I never expected to speak about God surprised me by talking about Him with no apprehensions or any misgivings. I remember being very cautious in whom I share my faith with, particularly with her, since I know that not all are open about it. Some might be turned off or some might think I'm righteous and a hypocrite once sin gets the best of me. But here she was, doing what I was supposed to do - speaking boldly about Him without any fear of judgment,  and I felt even more ashamed when she asked on what religion I belonged to. Was I that not obvious on who was my God?  I was taken aback then 10,000 times.

But I know that through her, God has indeed spoken to me. God amazes me incredibly on whom He calls. I might feel the terrible unease of not reflecting Christ, I feel worse and sick to my gut, but I know that this is a wake up call for me to speak more about Him, embody Him and finally step up. I might not be a speaker or the best writer, or leader, or even a Christian there is. I might not even be the best person to testify about faith or about God because I am a sinner who tends to fall but with the Spirit residing in me and Christ in my heart I know that I can conquer all my shortcomings.

I am a child of God and I then take comfort in His word that I shall not fear, I shall not be ashamed, because I know that if I am for God, who can be against me indeed.

 

Feeding the Soul: Condemned to death but glory in Christ - Romans 7-9 (Part 2)

As we moved on to Chapter 8 we are given the promise of freedom from sin and death, suffering and life through Christ Jesus as we are God's adopted child.

In this chapter, 4 verses struck me.

(1)

⁵ Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

 It is so easy for us to act according to our nature, that is to heed to the call of being sinful. The simple act of judging others or saying one bad thing that would not only destroy the person but destroy your character as well. It is so easy to put one person down. This among many other things, is the constant  mind and deed of someone who lives according to the world, according to their sinful self. But if we are truly in the Spirit, then our minds are focused on what God desires.

This is not easy. WE WILL ALWAYS FALL. But take comfort that in our sincerest repentance, we are brought to the light once more.

 Before I act, I should STOP and THINK. Am I being my sinful self again? Is this what the Spirit desires of me? What would Christ have done in this moment?

(2)

 ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I am proud to be a child of God. But being a child of God does not just entail all the glory that goes with it. We all have to understand that as we share in Christ's glory, we also share in HIS sufferings. It is not an easy road for Christians. When attacked or when their faith is tested, some tend to get angry with God, or sulk or turn away from Him entirely.

As children of God, we have to face this: Persecution, Trials that will really test our faith, and Sufferings of many kind. But be comforted in God's promise that as children of God, though we may face these sufferings, there is glory - much greater, unimaginable and incomparable to the sufferings we are experiencing.

(3)

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

(4)

 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

As we go through these sufferings, we also take pride in the fact that all good things come to those who love God. We may feel distressed at times with things that we don't understand, problems too big to even measure but we hold on to God's word that everything that happens is good, in the end it will be revealed as so.

As children of God, it also follows that as God is for us, who can be against us? Who am I to fear? Who am I to not take the challenges, sufferings and persecutions that might come my way? Who am I to lose faith that I cannot speak, or write, or work or lead all for God? When I know for a fact that God is with me all the way?

 I am deeply moved with how God has sacrificed His only son for us - imagine how much more God can give us all things? Imagine how much more strength, wisdom and knowledge He could give you and me all for our good and all for His greater glory?

God's love is indeed so great we become confident to take part in Christ's suffering and in the glory that is to come. Praise be to God forever and ever. Amen.

Feeding the Soul: Condemned to death but glory in Christ - Romans 7-9 (Part 1)

Last Wednesday was my first time to facilitate our Bible Study. Finally after almost 5 years of on and off BS (since the time of Ate Chen), Small Group both here in my church and with Achi Susanna and John, and then One on One with Son (praying for a consistent Wednesday session), it's probably about time that I take the reigns even if just for once.

In our BS we are already on Romans chapters 7-9.

In chapter 7 we are faced with the reality of sin.

In the first part of Chapter 7 it talks about the relation of law and sin.

⁹ Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died

If before we knew not of  sin, we were lawless and we were alive. We did things  freely without the burden of consequences and without the idea of condemnation. But since we were given the law, sin was realized and we have to face the fact that we are subjected to it over and over again. Even if  we already know about God's law, and even if we want to obey Him for always, we are in this endless struggle of battling with our sinful nature, our sinful bodies.

Was it better then that we knew not about it? Was it better then that we not be Christians?  But then you have to understand that we will die. We then succumb to misery since we are in a constant battle within ourselves. BUT all is not lost, though our bodies may die, we are given HOPE that through the grace of Jesus Christ -  our soul will live through HIM.

Tidbit of the Day: He himself will be with me... Deuteronomy 31:23

This morning as I walked towards my station, I saw my co-worker Brian hunched on his seat and fussing about. Curious as I was, I asked him what he was busy with. Then he showed me a little square box that contained paper pieces of inspiring Bible verses. I'm really not a fan of bible cutting and choosing verses randomly but for whatever reason, he offered me to pick one and I did. On the little brown and square paper I picked it said...

 

"Be brave and steadfast... I myself will be with you" - Deuteronomy 31:23

I asked him what it could possibly mean. He jokingly said that I'd probably know by lunch time.  OK then. But 12 Noon passed and nothing really came up. I looked up the full verse on the net and here is what it said.

 

"Then the LORD commissioned Joshua, son of Nun, and said to him, "Be brave and steadfast, for it is you who must bring the Israelites into the land which I promised them on oath. I myself will be with you." - Deuteronomy 31:23

This led me then to read the whole chapter that consisted of this Bible verse. To summarize chapter 31, Moses was already about to die and the Lord was giving out final orders. Due to a sin that Moses committed, he wouldn't be able to see the promised land. So the Lord commissioned Joshua, son of Nun to lead the Israelites into this place. Strength and courage was required for Joshua to be able to carry out this huge task and responsibility. But the Lord is true to His word. In this verse He assured Joshua that He himself will be with His loyal servant as they walk into the promised land.  

 

I suddenly remembered what I read last night in Hebrews 6:16-20 which reaffirms the certainty of God's promise. God's word is alive and active today and everything He says is true.

 

What I got from all these then is that when God tells us to do something that may seem too big for us to comprehend, or too big for us to accomplish on our own - something beyond our capabilities, we should remain strong and steadfast because God himself will be with us. There is no need to fear or worry that we may be too little, or too weak, or too unequipped because we desire to live God's will and nothing else should matter, He is true to His promise - He guarantees His presence and His strength most especially in our biggest weaknesses...

 

Now that I've thought about it, there are a lot of times that I know I should do what I have to but I don't have the courage to push through. But keeping this verse to heart, I know that I would be able to do things unimaginable, things that I know I myself could not do in a million years even if I wanted to. The Lord is great, His might incomprehensible, He is my fortress and He is true. God indeed finds ways how to communicate these with me - whether it be in random verses or whatnots - and for me to be able to share these with you.

 

So let us trust in and live faithfully to God's leading in our lives, let Him be your strength as He is mine. And know that He is ALWAYS with you.