The Wisdom of Teaching Intentionally (part 2 of 2)

On Teaching Intentionally to both biological and spiritual children, we not only teach them about themselves but we also should teach them how to relate to their environment, and their friends.

II. About Friends

(A.) Their friends will impact them either positively or negatively.

 Pastor Peter advises his kids that they should be friendly to everyone, but they should choose who to be close with, Who to be with around with.

As Proverbs 13:20 states, He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Some friends may pull you up, influence you to do good, study harder, and just simply bring out the best in you. But there are also those kind of people who will drag you down. Even if you are raised to be of good moral character, sometimes peer pressure gets the best of you. In 1 Corinthians 15:33 we are reminded that “Bad company corrupts good character.” But though they are in that situation, God will always always provide a way out as Paul Tan-Chi, Pastor Peter's son, testified. There will never be a trial or temptation that will be too much to handle and too much that you couldn't overcome.

On the subject of smoking or drinking which usually surfaces as early as high school, and even more rampant in college, your children will have to face this sooner or later. Will they fall, will they stand? What should you say?

Remind them of this: 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 "Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

Every time they attempt to smoke or to drink, let them ask themselves, how in any way is this beneficial? Am I doing this for God's greater glory?

Always let your children think twice. Let them be intentional in things that they do and not like a feather in the wind -  no direction, easily swayed.

(B.) The importance of priority

Friends are important but they are NOT the most important. We were given a priority list.

1st God

2nd Family

3rd Studies/Responsibilities

4th Friends

With the help of the priority list, they would be given a perspective on what they should put first in their lives.

WE were also taught the same idea Pastor Peter taught his kids: treat your family like you treat your best friend.

Some people may be mean to their siblings, or disrespectful to their parents, but when it comes to friends, they put out their best selves.

 (B.) It is impractical to have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend early in high school/college until they are ready to get married.

It is indeed impractical because you are closing your options, ruining the chance to be able to meet new friends, try new things. It is true that having an immature relationship hinders you from reaching your potential. There is always the jealousy or the insecurity of their bf/gf being with someone else, or  doing activities without them.

In worse cases these relationships could cause them to sin. Then the scare. Then the pregnancy. Then the stage when they are forced into adulthood when they are the least ready.

When this happens, there is no turning back. They have fallen into the deepest hole, difficult to pull them back.

Parents you do not want this to happen to your children, so as early as now teach them what is right. Teach them the value of waiting for the right person, the joy of finding the right one. That moment couldn't be more perfect. Their life lived with no regrets.

 -------------------------------------

Some people take parenthood lightly. Some people my age would even want to already be parents even when they're not ready. They do not understand the huge responsibility.

 If you want to raise your child right then you have to be INTENTIONAL in teaching them. From the way to bathe themselves, how to do their homework. From the littlest of things to the bigger decision-making ones. Would you rather have them learn from school or their friends what you should be teaching them? No one could raise them best than you with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Christ.

The wisdom then of teaching intentionally is this: you will raise children who have a good head on their shoulders. They are ready to face the world, they are ready to serve. And what could be more fulfilling than knowing that your child is able to make the wisest decisions and make a wonderful life of his/her own. You cannot be more proud as a parent. In raising your child the best way you can, being 100% present, you have done your duty in bringing glory and honor to Christ.

3C's of Building Positive Relationships: Connect, Communicate, Compliment

Yesterday's message at CCF was very soulful. I was very blessed to have heard and witnessed the message which was about Building Positive Relationships - an excerpt from Pastor Peter Tan-Chi's sermon at Pastor Bong's 2pm service.

Every human is a relational being. We are built to have relationships with each other, relate to God and to one another. As it is always said, the family is the basic unit of society. Within the family these relationships are developed, built and strengthened. However it is also within the family relationships have the potential to be broken.

It is then important for us to nourish the relationships that we have at home as early as you can to be able to have the best relationships with people around you. It all begins with how the parents raise and relate to their children.

(1)

We are given 3 concrete steps on Building Positive Relationships. 1st of which is to CONNECT.

Parents usually busy themselves with work and other things that they forget how to become parents to their children, how to become the support system their children needs. Some might rationalize that today's environment is very competitive, it's a dog eat dog world out there. We have to work hard for our children, everything we do is for them anyway. Then they go home tired, cranky and just plain drained of every day's work load. Too tired to listen, too tired to connect, too tired to become a parent.

For 2 weeks that I was able to become independent of my mom since she visited my cousin abroad, I personally felt the drain of taking care of myself,  everything and everyone else around the house. Leading me to wonder how parents could possibly do all these and even sustain all these things and with kids no less.

I honestly salute all parents and especially those who despite of being the working parents they are still manage to be there for their children. However I am quite disappointed with those who aren't there more so those who don't even make an effort to be there.

Because even if you play the role of the busy, overworked parent, you can still CONNECT with your children. But if you think life is already too much for you, or for those who aren't married yet and think having a family will solve all your relationship issues, then please don't be a parent.

When you say CONNECT, it means speaking your children's language, knowing their interest and doing what they like. It means watching cartoons with them even if you'd rather watch the evening news. It means bonding with them over food they enjoy which most of the time means fast food. It means being involved with their interests and activities. It means building bridges to your child's heart.

(2)

2nd C of Building Positive Relationships is to COMMUNICATE.

Think of this: busy parents off to work, come back home, spend little to no time with their children, then children try to get the attention of parents, do bad in school, get called in the office so on and so forth. Then parents scold them, give them a spanking, punish them to no end.

Does this look right to you?

Some parents believe their way is the only way. What they say goes. Obey me OR ELSE.

They use their Size and Position to discipline their children. I am bigger. I am your mother. I am your father.

One thing I remember from Pastor Tan-Chi is that you can be strict if you have a relationship. He is like that with his children. Once you have built a relationship with your children, they will understand that behind every NO is your bigger concern for them. They would know that behind every NO is for their own good.

Parents also have the tendency to CORRECT.

Their children would open up to them whether about daily musings or decision making and here the parents come judging and correcting. Would the child still open up if parents are so? Little by little parents would lose involvement in their child's life and their influence would be no more. Slowly children would ease their parents out of the picture even in major decision making where parents would usually want to become a part of.

COMMUNICATION then is not "Did you do your homework? Good" or even less "How could you do that!! You are such a naughty child!!" Or worse, I dare not say.

COMMUNICATION is about LISTENING more than anything. Listen to them in their joys, their frustrations. STRETCH YOUR PATIENCE, JUST LISTEN. Stop yourself from giving advice, criticizing, correcting. There is always a right moment for talking, hear them out first then control and filter yourself in speaking out your peace. Not only would you build a relationship with them but you will also gain their trust and their confidence in everything.

(3)

Last C of Building Positive Relationships is COMPLIMENT.

Correct me if I'm wrong but men aren't usually expressive. Fathers might be so as well. They see their kid performing well in school, well and good. They see their kid doing bad, they start to talk. and talk. and talk. Some don't even talk, they let their kids experience physical punishment alongside mental torture. They give them the belt, the basement, the attic, everything really horrible and traumatic.

Pastor Bong is right, a speck of dust on a white sheet we see, but we don't see that the white is much greater than that dust. We don't see the bigger picture. Everyone is like that. Parents included.

Everyone needs to be accepted and affirmed. Some just might need more affirmation than others as per Love Languages. Children need those too. They become confident if their parents believe in them. They are pushed to do more because of the simple "You're doing great!". Once you criticize, you not only ruin your character but you also destroy the esteem of your children. Would children love to be around parents who criticize? Your children will start pulling away from you and turn to others and when this happens, you might not even have the slightest chance to do the things you wish you should have done.

So, nourish each relationship with a true and honest COMPLIMENT.  Plant these little seeds in their heart that these may grow to make them better children, and better people. Correct them when they do wrong, COMPLIMENT when they do right. Make every moment they have with you as pleasant as you can. They will remember these for always.

--------------

Being a parent is indeed difficult. It means giving your 100%. It means putting their good ahead of yourself. It means more than just providing but rather sitting down, giving time, listening, communicating, and giving the constant affirmation they need.

I am not a parent but parenting as Pastor Tan-Chi says begins 20 years before. Your lifestyle, your character, your knowledge you have the tendency to bring to parenthood. So as much as possible even if we don't know what the future holds, if I become a parent or not, I should start correcting my ways in order to become if not the best parent, the best relational being I am made to be.

Every moment that passes is a moment lost forever. Cherish every moment with your children, teach them about Christ, spend time with them and really talk to them. Do not wait for the time that you wish you had done something. Do not wait for the time that you wish you had played with them more, talked to them more, be the mother or father more, be their friend more because you will never have that chance again.

Look back on good memories with your children, I haven't experienced it all yet but I know that it would probably be one of the best feelings and achievements in the world - that you have brought them to Christ, influenced them positively and then you would be at peace. You have done something good. You have done something right.